Maybe the Grass Isn't Even Green on the Other Side.
By: Jessica Mardian
Content Writer for The Stories We Need to Hear
I doubt that I will be ready for normal whenever it comes around again. At the start of the pandemic, there was so much anticipation and eagerness to go back to how life used to look like. Now we have been living through a pandemic for a whole year; to think that we will come out of this mass trauma unphased would be naive. Classifying the pandemic as a trauma is not being overdramatic. In an article for Healthline, psychologist Julian Lagoy aligned the coronavirus crisis with trauma as he stated that, “the current COVID-19 pandemic has qualities that qualify as a traumatic experience as it takes a physical and emotional toll on many people...Some people during this pandemic feel more on guard or unsafe, have an increase in negative thoughts and feelings, and have problems with sleep and concentration — also symptoms of PTSD trauma”. The impact of COVID-19 has not been a unilateral experience with varying degrees of loss, from deaths to jobs to food to relationships and more. All of us are united by the undeniable truth that we are seeing the world we used to know be rolled down and shifted into a hazy, undetermined new reality.
Picturing packed restaurants, being part of the crowd at a concert, shuffling down a movie theater aisle, and going to bars now fills me up with unease. Imagining just going to Target without a mask on feels foreign and alarming to me. Going back to “normal” is not something that will be done in a snap when restrictions are eased and vaccines available to everyone. While I will happily roll up my sleeve for the vaccination, not everybody will. A poll completed by the Associated Press this month unveiled that “About 1 in 3 Americans say they definitely or probably won’t get the COVID-19 vaccine...while 67% of Americans plan to get vaccinated or have already done so, 15% are certain they won’t and 17% say probably not. Many expressed doubts about the vaccine’s safety and effectiveness.” This division sets so much distance between us and returning to “normal.” People refusing to get the shot will allow coronavirus to continue circulating, potentially creating stronger variants, and research is still being done on how long the shot is effective for — we are not out of the woods yet. Leaping back into how life used to be probably won’t be feasible for a while and even when it is, it’s not going to be risk-free. Fear has become part of our new reality.
The fear and uncertainty around going back to a public life around others dull when thinking about the more personal interactions that were once such a normal part of life. I used to lead meetings and speak at poetry readings in front of strangers, with such confidence. Now, I’m intimidated by the idea of small talk. Outside of the immediate family, I’ve been living with through the pandemic and my closest friend who I regularly chat with over FaceTime, I don’t interact with many people. The grip I had on social interaction has rusted over. In phone calls and video chats with those I haven’t communicated with as regularly as life once allowed us to, I notice the pauses and odd stiffness that can settle in at times. My speech speeds up because of a mix of excitement and nerves, in the middle of conversations I become intensely aware of my eye contact or body language. Faux pas glare, even through a camera. Psychotherapist, Kathleen Dahlen DeVos, explained pandemic-induced social anxiety to Shape.com, “During this time of sheltering in place, our brains had to quickly adapt to perceiving others as a possible 'threat' to our immunity. Because we're so oriented towards behaviors and beliefs that support our chances of survival, it's going to take longer to dismantle this new wiring than it took to create it.” Adjusting to life post-pandemic will also require readjusting to simple interactions. Without strict restrictions and eventually, without social distancing and masks, these guards that we had to implement for our health go away while our minds are still in that protective mode. It will take time to become comfortable in social situations again and that’s okay.
There has been an undercurrent of individual growth occurring through the pandemic. When stripped of social excursions and the ability to constantly fill up the days, a great hush fell over all of us. No longer giving attention to going out and making plans, forced us to check in with ourselves. More than likely, how you processed this time away has been a mixed bag. Coinciding with this new anxiety over the virus was a new sense of independence. I began to better understand myself in this time where everything else was on pause. In the absence of spin classes, I fell in love with yoga and know that this practice will be something I continue in life after lockdown. My hobbies and sense of self realigned with the times. In the face of a complete unraveling of what we all once knew as normal people have shifted their values, changed careers, discovered their sexuality, let themselves actualize their dreams, and become more confident.
The relationships we have with friends and loved ones have also changed through the pandemic. Without regular in-person contact, some relationships have strained or disintegrated altogether. Others have grown stronger, maintaining connection through FaceTime calls, letters, and more. Those little moments of interaction we were able to indulge in before COVID-19 meant something for our relationships. The article, “How Lockdowns Are Changing Our Friendship Groups”, cites an Australian study that found, “Once the local or community context of a relationship was taken away, it was relationships where those in it had something in common besides their shared work or hobby interest, where everyone felt comfortable with digital technology, that managed to hold together or become stronger. Many wanted to share their pandemic stress with those to whom they felt closest; old friends from home towns and very close local friends”. Those connections with friends from classes or organizations, certain co-workers, or friends that were only connected by a larger group web have tapered off. I know that in my own life, those that I have stayed close with through the pandemic are people that I know are with me for the long-haul.
Who you were in March 2020 is not who you are today and will not be who you are after COVID-19. In an article for Cosmopolitan, “How to readjust to life after lockdown (and COVID rules ending)”, psychologist Nadia Svirydzenka encourages people to be reasonable when dreaming about life after the pandemic, “Expecting that it will all go back to the exact same way it was before COVID is setting unrealistic expectations and will only lead to further feelings of disappointment, frustration, and even anger”. I think this stands for our public and private lives. Just as concerts may be a long way off, so can becoming comfortable with smaller interactions. We need to have patience with ourselves and recognize how we have been shaped by this trauma. The pandemic will be an event that stays with us far past its course.
