I'm Doing Great, Thanks For Asking

By: Krutika Surve

Content Writer for The Stories We Need to Hear

Throughout the pandemic, like others, my mental health deteriorated, and I had to figure what things I could do to maintain my own sanity and apply it to my day. Things like making my bed, eating anything that’s not junk food, and not working from my bed. This may seem easy, maybe even natural to some people, but I genuinely had to push myself to do it. The crazy thing is, it does make me feel better. I love crawling into my bed after a shower when it’s been made. It’s like a little present I gave myself earlier in the day. Depression makes me sleepy enough, and eating junk food made me more lethargic than ever. Cutting down unnecessary snacking and condensing my evening meals gave me a lot more energy. 

Not working from my bed was a big one. My bed is so comfortable and I’m home all the time, but I was never getting anything done. A task that would take 10 minutes would take me an hour and my productivity plummeted. I had to force myself to get up and out of my bed and do my work at a desk. 

Adjusting small things in my life made a huge difference to my mental health. I’m proud to say that currently I am actually doing really great. I feel inspired. I have energy, for the most part. I’m significantly less angry and irritable. Truly, I can be the worst. My poor family can attest to that. Making those small changes and actually wanting to do them shows that I am doing better. Yes, I know. Very small tasks. But it’s growth for me. 

I started to reflect on the bigger things that have been different about my life that’s been affecting my attitude and outlook. To be honest, not much has changed from my day-to-day. I’m still not really where I want to be in life. But I’m gradually realizing that, knowing me, I will never be at that place. I realize that if I’m not at least a small amount content with my current state, I will be like this forever and that sounds exhausting. I realize I had forgotten what it’s like to enjoy the small things. 

I love writing. I really do. There’s something so cathartic and enthralling about putting everything into words. People who aren’t writers won’t get it. Somewhere along the way I forgot that I enjoy writing. Studying art in college, I forgot how much fun it is to watch movies and tv shows, to consume art. My brain was so cynical all the time, I had forgotten the beauty of art and the beauty behind absorbing it as a whole. The fact that I remembered or, at least, the acknowledgment itself feels like a sign that I am doing better. 

I feel like I should give some context for my experience at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Don’t get me wrong. Looking back, I’m happy I went there, and I learned a lot, but it wasn’t without its flaws. Allow me to break down art school. There were no exams. All of your skills would be critiqued on your projects. Your professor would assign something incredibly vague; you take that and make something out of it. What you make is entirely dependent on what class you take and who you are as an artist. You display this project in front of your peers and they critique it. They would initially start off as very positive but then slowly meld into just an attack on the artist. It affects your confidence, but sometimes you need that kick in the rear.

How will you grow otherwise? You’re a professional, you take their suggestions and apply it to your next piece; sometimes you do not. Here’s the thing. Artists get off on negatively critiquing other people’s work. I would even do it sometimes. I don’t understand why but I’m assuming it’s dependent on how we display our intelligence. Everyone wants to be smart or at least come across as smart. Have you ever met that one film guy who just knocks down every movie you ever liked for the sake of it? That guy is the worst. It is clear that he is obviously compensating for something. Imagine that but to everything and everyone. 

I bring up my experience at art school because I want to highlight how cynicism has been slowly ingrained into my brain. Even though I am critical of these people, I can’t really blame them because I did it too. And it stuck with me. During the pandemic, I was unable to watch much because I wasn’t able to turn my brain off and just watch for the sake of watching. It was tiring and I would just distract myself on social media instead. It affected my ability to enjoy even the most trivial things. Who cares if Martin Scorsese thinks the Marvel films aren’t cinema? I like them! I actually think they are incredibly well made. They’re thrilling and fun. No matter how many times I see them, I still enjoy just as much. I love teen dramas. They are so stupid and so dramatic for no reason. I still love them. 

Lately, I’ve been watching more cartoons. I don’t critique or analyze them. I enjoy them. When I’m writing, I find myself so engrossed in the material, I forget that I’m actually working. These things started as places of enjoyment for me but were stripped away. Having them back is a sign that I’m allowing myself to enjoy things. 

Everyone is built differently. What may apply to me is certainly not going to apply to you. I urge people to compare the small things. Not how much money you are making compared to a year ago, or if you’re in a relationship now. Not if you have learned a new skill. We are growing. We are evolving and that applies to the smallest of actions in our day-to-day lives. Whether it be something as simple as crawling into a fresh bed, or something slightly more abstract like temporarily shutting off my brain, these were things I wasn’t able to do before. Now that I am able to do them, it shows that there is growth. Perhaps, even in this mess of a world, I can still get better.