“Must Be My Depression;” the New Wave of Internet Cool Kids
By: Stefania Tibor
No one knows your mental health better than you do. However, with a surge in psychological internet culture, mental disorders such as ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety have become trendy catch phrases and personality traits. While active participation in this “trend” is incredibly toxic, and truthfully, offensive, not all participants are “Faking it.”
Pre-TikTok prime time—up to late 2019—it was common for hyperbolic verbiage to include mental disorder types as glittery expressions of mood and emotion. I, too, am guilty of using language like, “I’m so depressed,” and so on. Granted, not every use of the word “anxious,” “depressed,” etc. should be damned. However, we’ve seen those toxic seeds sprout into an internet culture that is far more dangerous than most people realize.
It's the same videos that are flooding the internet; “My depression...,” “Must be my anxiety...,” “OMG my ADHD...,” and so on. It’s a difficult conversation to have; the thought of potentially invalidating someone’s mental illness, especially/mainly pre- diagnosis, can be incredibly harmful. Though we’ve made immense progress towards accepting mental illnesses as something not only real, but gravely serious, there is still so much work to be done.
Practically every family member asked me, “Well...are you sure that’s the right diagnosis? Maybe you’re just depressed because you aren’t in a fulfilling job. Maybe it’s because of the pandemic?” My Bipolar I diagnosis was a shock to everyone. I spent a few months alone in a brand new city and got to know myself well. After spending nights alone in my studio for months, I realized just how dangerous my untreated mental health was getting. So, I turned to a psychiatrist.
I had a feeling going into my appointment that I was going to be embarking on a journey involving medication. After monitoring my behavior and logging my emotions, I had a hunch that my turmoil was something other than anxiety and/or depression. In addition, I’ve had a hunch since high school that I suffered from ADHD. Turns out, my emotional evidence was right: I was diagnosed with moderate Bipolar I and severe ADHD.
From there, I began my medication; starting at 50 mg, then 100, then 200. The process was fairly grueling; it was difficult knowing that I was sick and was on medication, but I had to grapple with the fact that my medication would take a while to have any effect.
It’s a very scary experience to go through; not only are you waiting to feel something, what if that something isn’t right for me, and my doctor was wrong? What if these meds not only make me feel the same, but they manage to make me feel worse?
Once I moved past this fear, I adopted a new one that even creeps up on me to this day: what if none of this is real? Allowing yourself to accept and cope with your diagnosis is a really tough, but empowering journey. But the rest of the world won’t be so keen on believing you. We’re branching out of an upbringing by older generations that never acknowledged mental health, and to this day, have a majority that refuse to budge and accept these psychological breakthroughs.
Growing up and/or interacting with these skeptical individuals can be a really triggering experience. Having someone invalidate your mental illness(es) or challenge the reality of your situation can throw you into a tailspin. Each time someone in my family met me with skepticism, I had to remind myself that no one knows me like I do. And on top of that, I went to a professional.
Like all doctors, finding a good psychiatrist can be tricky. Being that my psychiatrist diagnosed me very quickly, I was skeptical at first, wondering if she was just slapping a duct tape prescription over the gash that was my mental decline. But, I focused on how I was feeling and even got 2 other opinions when my doctors switched [due to them finding new jobs outside of my network. I still miss Michael.]
With all of this being said, it’s now time for me to become the bad guy. While I would never question the validity of someone’s mental health journey, there’s something to be said about mental health culture. We need to stop chalking up natural/normal behaviors and feelings to serious disorders.
Now that I’ve experienced what it’s like to have a serious diagnosis and receive treatment, I can see first-hand how frustrating it is to watch your illness get tossed around as colorful verbiage. Hearing someone described as “bi-polar” because they’re indecisive about plans or their feelings on a topic is infuriating.
There are many layers to my emotional response to this kind of language. First off, having my mental illness that has put me through absolute hell, be used so casually linguistically immediately rubs me the wrong way. Beyond myself, the mishandling of psychologic terminology is irresponsible—this irresponsibility can create a life- threatening domino effect.
Think of it as the boy who cried wolf; if you have a young, pro-mental health crowd self- diagnosing serious mental disorders at the drop of a hat, how are we ever going to make progress? However, not everyone that participates in illness identification is the bad guy.
For some, the neurotypical if you will, these terms are casual adjectives to describe their current moods and emotions. After studying for hours, they give into temptation and go on their phone; what should be described as “burn out,” or “getting distracted,” or just a well-deserved break, is now coined as their “ADHD” acting up.
This thought process, whether intentional or innocently influenced by internet culture, is dangerous in many ways—dependent on who it is.
ADHD + Anxiety is a common combination that is misdiagnosed for what is Bipolar I, and vice-versa. For those that are truly neurodivergent, tacking onto the “Well, it must be my ADHD” trend can lead to a misdiagnosis. This can cause one to unknowingly self-sabotage; if someone goes to get help and is convinced it’s ADHD, it’s likely they’ll present their symptoms with a bias towards symptoms they’ve seen someone describe in a TikTok video. Or someone young and impressionable, or just not actively seeking diagnosis, can and will find comfort in this pop culture-influenced self-diagnosis.
For those that genuinely believe they may be battling a mental disorder: log your emotions. Talk to a professional with an open mind. Pay attention to your behaviors, emotional responses, and so on. It’s important that we are able to pinpoint the source of our struggles because a misdiagnosis or a self-given label will only hurt you.
Your behavior might just be a lack of motivation and can improve with a firm schedule, new hobbies, and so on. But your behavior may also be due to an illness that can be treated through medication and/or therapy. When I went through my diagnosis and treatment strategy, the first thing my psychiatrist said was “Listen, I’m not gonna be able to give you a magic pill, as much as I wish I could. This will help you cope with the struggles your mental illnesses will give you and will immensely lessen the severity. But at the end of the day, I won’t be able to fix everything for you; I encourage you to see a therapist and work towards the other areas in your life that can help you.” That quote resonated with me so heavily, I wrote it down after our call.
So, even if you decide that you have Depression or ADHD, identifying with an illness won’t be able to do as much for you as we wish it could. Understanding how your brain works and having a general explanation for why certain (not all) things happen in your
brain is a great start to moving forward to a new, healthy place. But learning about my disorders mainly made me realize I had a lot of work to do in order to be happy and healthy; my diagnosis was the blue print, but my actions will be the brand new life I deserve to live.
