The Consistent Routine of Having it All Together
By: Jessica Mardian
Content Writer for The Stories We Need to Hear Magazine
I am a sucker for consistency. Falling into step with routines and giving myself certainty in some form has been one of the best ways for improving my mental health. It took the lack of dependability in a relationship (and a lot of therapy) to recognize that dependability is the foundation for my friendships, health, mind, relationships, and day-to-day living. Therapy also gave me the epiphany that one of the most trustworthy sources of dependability in my life was me. My mental health didn’t have to yo-yo at the will of others, leaving me an anxious wreck or shell of myself just staring into my closet, exhausted and overwhelmed by the thought of getting dressed for class.
I started learning more about who I am and what actions I can take to improve my mental space. Cushioning my days with some ritual that I follow through with consistently and having a bucket of practices on hand for when my mind starts to beat itself up, gives me a stronger awareness of my mental health and the power to pick myself up when I feel a negative shift.
What I’ve said might seem like a lot and way too overwhelming to incorporate into everyday life feasibly. Truthfully, the vastness of mental health deterred me from evaluating when and what made me feel the best for so long. Instead, I’d chalk taking care of my mental health up to the occasional face mask and hanging out with friends. There is nothing wrong with either of these, in fact, we need strong friendships, and I love a good overnight mask. Although, when you are looking out for your mental health, you need a variety of strong practices in your arsenal. A shaky skincare routine didn’t help my inner space, and I poured so much of myself and my time into external relationships that in the little hours where I was alone, I was lost. Figuring out what worked best for my mental health took time, and what I use might not work for you. But it’s always worth the time. Creating habits that improve mental health is worth the minutes because you and your headspace are worthy of the time it takes to feel good.
Rituals:
Rituals are the everyday actions I take to show up for myself. Dependability is a biggie for me, and these intentional acts created consistency that stemmed solely from me and only for me. Your rituals should be trademarks of your everyday life; they don’t need to be elaborate — mine aren’t. Rituals can be done anywhere, under any circumstance, and bring you peace.
Make the bed:
Something about making my bed leaves me feeling like I actually do have it all together. By no means do I jump out of bed and begin straightening my sheets, fluffing my pillows seconds after the alarm goes off. I’m more of a lay in bed, get my bearings together, and then make the bed type of morning gal. If my bed is messy, my brain is going to be scattered all day. Carving out three minutes of my morning is a feasible task for the rewarding burst of energy. Before my contacts are even in, I’ve accomplished something. This also prevents me from crawling back to bed midday with the feeble excuse that I can focus on what I need to get done from the comforts of my pillows and comforter. Sometimes, all I do is make my bed. Especially on those days when I have too many anxious or self-hating thoughts, it's comforting to have a tidy space to tuck away into.
Set away time to read:
Reading has been near and dear to my heart since childhood; being swallowed up by a good book makes me happy. For something that I love so much, I really didn’t read at all in college. I convinced myself I didn’t have enough time or energy, then I’d scroll through social media until my eyes were sore and my head hurt. Using social media so much as a way to check out for a bit only increased the internal self-hate dialogue I had. I’d be on my phone for hours and then fall into a cycle of frustration with myself for giving so much of my time to an activity that only made me dislike myself. Now I try to pour that want to escape into something into a book. Creating an ever-expanding reading list, hunting down books at the library, and making books part of my routine again has me on my phone less. If reading isn’t your thing, look at some hobbies you have always wanted to become more intentional with. Maybe your reading is record collecting or plants or bicycling. Chip off time that you spent focused on your Achilles heel habits and give it to an activity that doesn’t feed negative feelings.
“Do not disturb” and app timers:
I have a history with social media. This involves overconsuming it to check out of my head and finding influencers who actually empower me to be kinder to my body and vulnerable to mental health. Searching for some ounce of balance in this, I went to my phone. Ironic, right? My phone's settings had the answers. Nowadays my phone goes on “do not disturb” mode from 11:45 pm until 8 am. I deleted Twitter and Snapchat off my phone, mainly because they felt more like an obligation to use. Instagram has a 30-minute timer and TikTok’s is for 90 minutes. Maybe this comes off as a bit extreme; a year ago, I would have agreed with you. Taking this step was showing up for myself in a challenging way. Working on my lousy habit lowered the effect social media has on my mental health and proved to myself that I could go the distance for my mental health.
Movement:
This ritual has looked different in almost every season for me. When I recognized that certain forms of exercise amplified harmful body image and self-esteem issues in me, I had to reevaluate how movement would look for me. Now I do yoga 4-5 times a week and walk/jog twice a week. Yoga is something that I am continuously learning and improving with. Getting better and finding peace in yoga is what brings me to my mat every morning, not hate for my body. I just use an app on my phone, so there are no other participants to glance over and compare to. While in college, I would walk on a paved trail near my campus as a way to get out of my room and connect with nature and myself. Coming home to cold weather has brought this ritual to a treadmill in my basement. No longer motivated by the scenery, I started adding jogs to the exercise. Both yoga and walking/jogging are simple forms of movement and work as spaces for me to let go of worries and give back to myself. The point of making movement a ritual in your life is to become more connected with yourself and find a release for tension.
Affirmations:
They’re in expo marker on my mirror, my screensavers on both my computer and phone, and can be found on a collage board on my bedroom wall. To maintain consistency and because reading something stays with me longer than saying it aloud, I surround myself with positive, aligning words. They cover a lot and are added to as often as I want. Coming from Pinterest, phrases my parents told me growing up or just some words I strung together in a moment; affirmations are messages that bring comfort, inspiration, and strength. Here are a few of my favorites if you’re not sure what kind you need:
● Abundance and joy flow freely towards me, and I am ready to accept.
● I give life to what I give energy to.
● Not made to be subtle.
● How liberating it is to pursue wholeness instead of perfection.
Having consistency in my day-to-day has been a buoy for my mental health. Creating and following through with them provided a base for me to find other ways to help my mental health. Rituals are the soil for your garden. Even when the sun isn’t shining, and all the flowers are out of season, the ground is still there.
Practices:
Practices are the bag of tricks I reach into for when my mind is needing extra love. They aren’t meant to be done every day for the most part, since they take a bit more time. Some practices are specific for whatever I feel like I lack in the moment; creativity, affirmation, or an expressive outlet. The practices you design for yourself can stem from your love language, activities that you once enjoyed regularly, and now have less time for or whims. Practices are an additional boost I take for my mental health as a way to check-in and empower myself.
Buying flowers for yourself:
I am worthy of expense, and so are you — especially the minor cost of a $5 bouquet of tulips. Indulging in wants isn’t bad at all in moderation. Giving myself tokens of appreciation, like flowers or a book or jewelry, are physical reminders of self-love. Just as we search for items that will bring those we love a smile, we need to do the same for ourselves. This small practice of mindfully buying an item that brings me joy is a physical reminder of self-love.
Photoshoots:
All I need is my phone, tripod, and a killer outfit to have a good time. I used to be so awkward in front of the camera, even when close friends were behind the camera and encouraging me. My unease came from insecurities around my appearance. “I only look good when I smile.” “My face is too round.” “Even on a good day I’m only cute, not stunning or gorgeous.” Worse sentiments towards myself would run wild through my head. Yeah, all those negative thoughts, I know them well. As I began to absorb the affirmations, I surrounded myself with and learned how to take compliments, not reject or push them away. I grew more confident in front of the camera. It only took a few pictures by myself in my backyard for the confidence to break through. That girl giving model faces and poses knew she was beautiful and was just having fun on her own — that girl was me. Now doing little photoshoots is a source of assurance and power for me. Whenever I’m feeling low on confidence and stuck in a loop of comparison, I complete this practice to remind myself of my internal and external worth.
A day out:
Giving myself solo quality time is a practice that teaches me independence and is feeding my love language. These outings range from driving on a scenic parkway and marveling at the views at outlooks, thrifting, grocery runs, and strolling through bookstores. Doing this has helped me understand myself and become more confident on my own. I used to always want to be around others or doing something, so this practice pushes me out of my comfort zone and has become a source of peace.
Learning what ways to watch out for your mental health work best for you takes trial and error.
Starting in small steps, creating that foundation in everyday rituals will allow for practices to push you and improve your headspace. I started searching for what I lacked the most at the time, dependability, and that gave way to new ways that my confidence and self-understanding could grow.
