By: Tallie W.

As humans, one of our most basic desires is to find our life partner. When you think about it, we are obsessed with love. Movies, songs, books, pop culture– so much of it revolves around relationships, and we eat it up like we’re starving. How many movies can you name that don’t have relationships as a central part of the plot? Songs?

Everywhere you look, the desire to find “the one” is right in your face. When you’re single, this can feel gut-wrenching. It can be hard to watch a romantic movie and not think, why not me? It’s easy to get lost in the fantasy land of a romantic novel, as if you were experiencing the same love as the main character, only to feel empty and lost when you put it down.

When so much of what you consume is pushing the importance of relationships, it can be almost impossible not to feel overwhelmed by the desire to be in love. From your late teens through your twenties, a main priority in your life will be finding a significant other. While this may seem daunting, looking at it from a different perspective can really help.

First of all, how fun is it that an entire decade is dedicated to meeting people and learning about yourself along the way? With every heartbreak, you gain so much self-knowledge, and are one failed relationship closer to the one that will last forever. Rather than believing that your college ex is your lost soulmate, have you considered the amount of people out there who are waiting to meet you? One day, I promise you will meet someone who will make you so glad that you didn’t settle. Even if that feels like it’s light years away, no matter what you do, each day you are getting closer. Shouldn’t you fill that time getting the most of your freedom?

Without a doubt, Valentine’s Day makes relationships more centralized than ever. That dreaded February 14th can feel devastating when you feel like you’re spending it alone. If you’re lonely right now, I urge you to look at all of the great things that already surround you.

“***One day, I promise you will meet someone who will make you so glad that you didn’t settle.***”

Especially when you’re single, almost all of your time is spent with your friends. Rather than wishing away these important experiences, embrace the now. Focus on the joy you feel when one of your friends makes you laugh, or the comfort you feel sitting next to them during a movie night. Someday, after you have spent twenty consecutive Valentine’s Days with the same person, you’re going to long for those nights of shared youth and singleness.

It can be so tempting to lean into the “bitter single” trope on Valentine’s Day: “This holiday is so stupid,” “Valentine’s Day is just a marketing scheme,” “Did you see the cheesy date they went on? As if that relationship will last!”. Don’t let yourself fall into this trap. It will only make you feel worse. Be happy for those around you, and think about it as the Universe showing you a preview of all the love that exists in the world, and is waiting for you at the right time in the future. Be at peace with the fact that you won’t feel this way forever. Don’t torture yourself– delete Instagram for a few days, and avoid consuming other media that may further trigger feelings of loneliness and jealousy– but don’t be so cynical to label the whole day as “bad.” Get together with a few single friends, have a few drinks, eat a great meal, and share your worst hookup stories. Go through Hinge or Tinder on each other’s phones and play match-maker. Having fun and staying positive will make this day so much smoother than dwelling on negative emotions and wishing happy people the worst.

And when your friend has one glass too many and starts crying over her ex? Remind her that someday not too far from now, she’s going to be at a romantic dinner with her forever partner, laughing at herself for ever feeling that way about someone who didn’t even deserve her. Remind her that someday, she will feel nostalgic for the days when she was young and free, getting drunk and crying over boys with her friends.

Lean into it and live in the moment for what it is, because I promise your happy ending is closer than you think.