By: Paige Gulliver

Whenever I notice beauty in others, the first thing to follow is always comparison. Paying attention to the special things in someone else and inevitably my lack thereof. Envy rooted in my longing for a feature that is uniquely another’s. It is difficult, nearly impossible, to isolate appreciation from depreciation. The awareness of something special in somebody draws my mind to wondering if I will ever have the same. Or if what I have will ever be as worthy of jealousy. This cycle of comparison, followed by self-doubt, is a fruitless effort. It is exhausting and wholly unreasonable. But that does not make it any easier to shake. Social media provides a constant stream of curated content that funnels ideas of what bodies and beings are desirable and deserving. A feed filled with individuals I long to look like does immeasurable damage to a brain that is driven by drawing parallels. A brain that looks up from my phone and into the mirror and sees something lesser than. Something that does not necessarily resemble what I have convinced myself is beautiful. Something inferior.

My molded perception of what is coveted is something I will never achieve. This isn’t an easy realization. It is a painful one. I will never reach the perceived pinnacle of beauty that my mind has used for years as a point of comparison. And that is okay, for many reasons.

First of all, it does not exist. Society has a specifically prescribed set of features that women vie for everyday. Traits and characteristics that many facets of life perpetuate as enviable and valuable. An inseparable association of beauty and physical appearance, coupled with a devaluation of other attributes that make an individual extraordinary. “It’s what on the inside that counts”, we say as we consistently place importance on exclusively what is on the outside. Through our conversations, posts, and mindsets. It can be seen in advertisements, shows, and movies. On our phones and in our minds. An inescapable conception of what is covetable. This accepted ideal of beauty is fundamentally hollow. Unachievable and ineffaceable.

“I will never reach the perceived pinnacle of beauty that my mind has used for years as a point of comparison. And that is okay, for many reasons.”

This type of beauty is only accessible to a select few, and that is why it isn’t a true representation of beauty at all. I think it is a representation of misplaced value on all the wrong things. When we are all gone from this lifetime and from this earth what will be memorable is not our size or our looks. There won’t be notes about the width of my hips or the shape of my nose at my funeral. Loved ones won’t long to see my face again but instead to hear my voice, listen to my advice, and soak in my love. Those that we surround ourselves with aren’t there because of appearances but instead because of their disposition. Their personality. Their warmth and their loyalty. Their inner being. The people we love are worth so much more than their exterior. Why don’t we apply the same standards to ourselves? I cannot help but look at my friends and family and feel deep appreciation for their humor, kindness, and individuality. That is where true beauty lies.

“Don’t let the beauty of others detract from the beauty you possess.”

The aspirable standard of beauty is also flawed in its failure to acknowledge the widespread variety of beauty. A common saying, “You cannot compare apples to oranges” serves as a useful metaphor to our understanding of beauty. I challenge this phrase. You can compare them. But if you were to judge an orange on how it lives up to the features of an apple you will be hard done by to recognize the worth of the orange. It is possible for multiple things to be equally beautiful yet different at the same time. The women I see and vie to be are just as special as I am. Our disparity does not translate into a discrepancy of caliber. Instead, in our variation we find uniqueness. The apple and the orange do not look alike but they are equally deserving. As are all people.

Comparing yourself to others will often only result in heartache. Chasing an unreachable goal of what is considered beauty will be a never-ending uphill battle. It is not only unachievable but neglects to highlight the glory of difference and the beauty within each and every one of us. Don’t let the beauty of others detract from the beauty you possess. Everyone is one of a kind, beautiful in their own ways, and has loads to give; whether you’re an apple, an orange, or anything in between.