Burnout: The Truth About the Fairytale Expectations
By: Stefania Tibor
Sex and Love Columnist for The Stories We Need to Hear Media
As someone with a dreamy imagination, I’ve always held onto that “You just know” perception of mind blowing love. I’ve done this so much that I’ve let it invalidate romantic connections that were absolutely real. After finally getting what I wanted and realizing how empty it was, I finally realized the reality of finding someone special doesn’t mean everything about that journey has to be “special” and “different.”
I finally hit a point this past May that I’ve never hit before; after years of trial and error, tackling my fear of intimacy, and reaching massive breakthroughs in my mental health and emotional maturity, I was ready to have a real, serious relationship. This time was different. I wasn’t exploring Hinge and looking for someone to set me up; I wanted it the organic way.
I’ve become someone that believes you cannot go into dating with the end goal of being in a serious relationship. Once you fall into that mindset, you find yourself tailoring people to an end result, rather than letting your experiences with someone lead to that ending. In other words, I believe the more you want a serious relationship, the more you’ll romanticize and put up with in order to make that happen.
I finally had a new perspective on dating: I was receptive to something serious, but prioritized the connection itself. I didn’t want to go on dates and sift through men to find one I wanted to be with, rather, I wanted to once again live life and meet people without any intentions.
But, of course, this also came with the lust for a real connection. I wanted them to appear in my life; I was finally ready for that special bond and I wanted it to get here already. Being that I’m incredibly spiritual, I decided to manifest it.
Your perceptions on spirituality and manifestation are your own to have, but like any other theology, I expect you to put any prejudice aside and open your mind to my experiences.
I believe that putting what you want into the universe will help you achieve it. Believing in yourself and believing that you will one day reach the goals and dreams you have is a huge part in making them happen. It eliminates your tunnel vision and allows you to take in everything around you; everything is an opportunity for something.
So, I took to the pillow method. I wrote out my manifestations with active verbiage, slipped it under my pillow, and allowed my mind to unpack what I really wanted. I wanted someone tall, brunette, very funny and social. I wanted the process to be seamless and simple; no games, no cat and mouse, just reciprocity and the rest would be history.
It’s funny how the universe will teach you lessons, because I definitely learned mine. Fast forward about two weeks later, I was out at a bar in Venice with a couple good friends. Suddenly, I felt this inexplicable, magnetic pull and turned my head. There he was: a tall brunette singing his heart out with his friends. He had a glowing smile, was my physical type on paper, but more importantly, had the most attractive energy I’ve ever seen in someone.
My first thought was “You’re the perfect example of how I feel when I’m at my happiest.” I had always wanted to date someone just like me: full of life, easy going, and high on life. I had this feeling of knowing that we’d end up talking, rather than wanting to go up to him and talk to him. He was in his moment, I wanted a shared moment to occur organically.
And of course, it did. We somehow folded into each other, turning our heads randomly and our eyes met. We only talked for about two minutes before the Uber his friends called before (we talked) arrived. He got my number, gave me a peck, and with the brightest smile said “I’ll see you soon!”
We had complete reciprocity; texted with the same energy and response times, actively made it a point to set a day to see each other, and left so much conversation for that day. Our first date was one that I’ve never experienced before.
We wound up drinking wine on the beach, conveniently happening to catch the sunset. He did stand up comedy about his trauma while I live every day as a stand up comedian, constantly joking about a plethora of topics; including my own trauma. We bonded over being able to talk about horrific childhood trauma to someone that didn’t feel the need to say “I’m sorry.” We had such similar philosophies and experiences. We were enamored with the other person’s energy from the second we each felt a magnetic pull towards one another. We were perfect; we even had the same birthday.
It was the shooting star that we saw that finally made me have a “Is this really happening?” moment. I felt like the universe really heard me out and my manifestation worked. It definitely did, but not in the way that I expected.
What began as dating someone that my friends deemed “you in boy form” soon turned into a burnout in just 2 weeks. I went from believing that I found my soulmate, to having a mutual loss of interest. Just like that, the person that I wanted most just fell...flat.
Right before this ended, I met a boy through mutual friends on a Saturday that I was supposed to be with my dream guy. I felt things start to lose momentum and decided to go out with a friend that night instead. Little did I know, that cute guy that asked me out on a date would become my current boyfriend--the person that makes me the happiest I’ve ever been in a relationship.
I learned so much from this experience. I truly got what I manifested, but I got it without all of the superficiality. My boyfriend is everything I’ve wanted; a cute, tall brunette who loves life the same way I do. It was simple; we met, went out on a date, and things took off from there. No games, no cat and mouse, nothing. It was a connection that grew and has been growing ever since.
This experience showed me that my special person didn’t have to have an innate “I know you’re my person” from the start. Love at first sight can be real, but it doesn’t have to be for everyone. I finally realized that meeting my boyfriend was truly the first time I lived my “No expectations” philosophy. The circumstances of the first boy caused me to subconsciously put on rose colored glasses.
My boyfriend was the first person I ever felt a connection with that didn’t end up in a mindset of “You just know.” I knew I liked him and I knew he was someone I wanted to spend time with; and the rest is history still being written.
The point I’m trying to make is this: true love and strong romantic connections don’t have to make themselves clear in a very obvious way. You don’t need to have this feeling of this time being so “different” than times you’ve met someone else. Because when we have all of the surrealism, we carry that with us and refuse to believe that something so strong can result in them not being “the one.”
I learned so much through my pretend soulmate; I realized that when you date someone you see so much of yourself in, you fall flat. You don’t have another whole that can show you an entirely different perspective of the world. The universe showed me that there are two forms of what I manifested: the dream world version and the version that’s real.
