By: Sammy Bellisario

Lifestyle Columnist for The Stories We Need to Hear Magazine

As humans, it is natural for us to feel the need to control our lives and our situations. While we have the most control of our own lives, there are still so many aspects and situations in life that cannot be controlled. From a very young age, we experience different factors that shape our lives and personalities without our choosing. This can be a challenging but necessary realization for most.

One of my greatest tips for dealing with this realization comes with time, lots, and lots of practice. Reminding yourself that worrying and dwelling on what you can’t control will only hurt you in the long run. No amount of time spent analyzing and worrying will help you change an uncontrollable situation.

One of my favorite ways to remove focus from what I can’t control is by making a list of things I can. This reminds me of the positive side of things (shows me the glass half full if you will) and helps to divert my attention from the negative.

For example, things that all of us can control.

**1. Who we choose to be friends/ spend time with.**

**2. Our careers/ jobs (to a certain extent).**

**3. Who we choose to be in a romantic relationship with.**

And much more. Some common aspects of life that we cannot control are the family situation we were born into, adverse events that occur in our lives, etc.

Everyone has their own set of uncontrollable life factors; it is more about how we internalize them that makes the difference in our mental and emotional health.

It’s essential to allow yourself to feel your emotions without suppressing them. This may sound contradictory, but dwelling on and suppressing feelings are two very different actions. Suppressing your true feelings can be just as toxic as dwelling on what you can’t control. One of the best ways to allow yourself to feel these emotions is by either writing them down or sharing them with someone you trust! You can vent to an unbiased source such as a therapist or someone who has no connection to these events, or you can share these feelings with someone who may also be affected by the same uncontrollable circumstances as you. For example, if you are worried about something involving a family member that you aren’t in control of, vent to another family member who you feel is on your side and can provide comfort or comradery.

Another great way to deal with what you can’t control is by working on your positive affirmations. When a negative thought crosses your mind, remind yourself, “I can handle this” or “I’m strong. I can get through anything I set my mind to.” This is a great way to change your thinking surrounding anything you once saw as negative.

A lot of this worry surrounds the thought of what we can’t control, but what we CAN control is how we react. It can be extremely valuable to create a plan of action. This includes what you can do if the events you are worried about take place. If this is an ongoing concern that changes, make sure you update your plan of action as you go. Showing yourself that there are aspects of every situation that you can control can bring some relief to your feelings of uncertainty.

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” – Leo F. Buscaglia.

Together we can work to try and worry less and live more. This will be a process with lots of ups & downs but will have a result that makes them well worth it!